Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish you could order shots online.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
