We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
