He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
