Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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