Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
