I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
