I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
