and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need water and some morals
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
