My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
