wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
