alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
