dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
