hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
