I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I pour the whiskey from now on
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
