Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish you could order shots online.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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