right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
