Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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