so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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