Plan B is the new Plan A
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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