I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
