im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize