Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
