oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
