my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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