I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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