omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
