Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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