Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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