It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
