And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
time to smoke my breakfast
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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