Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize