So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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