Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
