I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
