I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
