Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
