if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize