I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize