Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize