I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
