Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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