you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
