so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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