I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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