Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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