I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
