Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
