I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
