:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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