You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
