you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
