apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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