my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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