that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm at about main and main street
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize