This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
