My nipple is on Facebook.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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