just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
