end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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