They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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