i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize