I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
