but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
