if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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