he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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