I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
