I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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