So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
