I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
