i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
