I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
