Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
