Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
