The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had sex on a dog bed..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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